Tag Archives: happiness

The Little Perfections

17 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by in books

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bedJosh and I often marvel at the wonder of how good our bed feels. It’s not a special bed. We don’t have fancy sheets or expensive pillows. But climbing in after Josh’s busy shifts is one of his favorite things in life. For me, it’s watching him wind down and become downright giddy about the escape he’s about to make from the toughness of the day (or night). Hard work and exhaustion look good on a man. And I think we are both in one of our most content moments when we are together on the brink of sleep.

It also makes me feel like the wealthiest of people. So much comfort and happiness must only be for gods and kings. And in this modern world where I’m well-fed and educated and own property and pets and have the love of my children, I’m aware of the golden age I’m in.

You know what else makes me feel like that? Reading! I’ve missed it so much. This weekend I’ve read two books, critiqued a short story, and begun critiquing a novel for a critique-mate. It’s the most sustained reading I’ve done since surgery, and I’m not without the weirdest little zips and zaps of nerve pain in my head. (Not my face, though. It remains pain-free!) But, the point is, I feel back to my reading self. I can hole away for three days and quench my thirst for reading. I’m trying to pinpoint the satisfaction of it. What is it that is so sweet? I think it has something to do with how I daydream. I don’t know about you, but when I daydream, it tends to be a mishmash of images and memories–frustrations and delights strung together in the most random of ways. But fiction focuses my imagination, and my daydreams and imaginings as I go along become a full organized worlds of wonder, beauty, heartache, and hope. And when I’m done with a book, I feel that same feeling as getting into my bed. I am part of something little and perfect in a world that is better than it has ever been before.

Rest and Recovery

09 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by in family, getting old

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recoveryHi. Nearly a month has passed and I’m finally writing something longer than an email. Hooray for progress!!

I’m doing very well post surgery and recovering as expected. Reading and writing are still taxing. Focusing takes A LOT of effort and seeing letters and words move quickly across the screen makes me motion sick.

It’s strange not to be able to read and write, those are my relaxation methods of choice. So I’ve been watching a ton of TV. Thankfully new episodes of How I Met Your Mother came out on Netflix. I’ve also watched The Tudors and both Elizabeth movies, which I enjoyed. My summation of the Tudors: The torture was as intense as the sex and I have no idea how historically accurate it was. Also, modern medicine rules. It is my life-theme for the month.

I’ve seen three movies at the theater. Sliver-Linings Playbook – good. Lincoln – good. Anna Kerinina, art design – good, plot – plbt.

Being at home is so nice. Snuggling the dogs and children has been wonderful, especially with the Christmas tree up and Josh around for a few days. He’s been doing such cool shit that, really, it’s too bad he isn’t blogging anymore. His would be far more interesting!

So, I’m off to find a new show to get involved in. Feel free to leave suggestions in the comments. Know that I’m doing well and will be enjoying a pain-free Christmas!

Friday Mornings

24 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by in family, insecurity

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To be honest, five weeks ago I was near-terrified of taking the job I now have. The people I met there were smart, kind, funny, and relaxed, so it was clearly an insecurity thing on my part. Somehow I’d been offered a seat at the cool kids lunch table, and I couldn’t imagine really belonging. Maybe I was letting my writing world interfere with my real world. Probably I was just overwhelmed with another new beginning. Adjusting isn’t my strong suit, though I seem thrive on big changes like getting married and pregnant in the same month, moving to a new state every five years, earning degrees I realize I’m not going to use, and trudging my way through entry-level jobs trying to see where I fit. But what else can you really do besides fling yourself at life and be flung? Being careful just seems dumb to me. If I were careful, I wouldn’t have flung myself at my new job and I would have missed out. The work is fun. The company is energetic. And as said, the people are good people.

One of the best surprises is having Fridays off. I work like a mad cat during the week, sitting all day with–and even eating at my desk with–my BFF, Google. The relationship is pushy and frustrating. I try to seduce her, and she sends me to go sleep on the couch. It’s the best way I can describe my job without boring you. So when Fridays arrive, there’s a sense of relief.

There’s also my kids smiling at me in the morning because it’s our day to walk to the bus stop together. You know how you have those kind of snapshot memories of happiness? Like when your best friend gets married or your big sister goes off to college? Or maybe even something smaller like laughing hysterically over a hallmark card with your mom or realizing your crush is crushing back? Well, having those kinds of moments with your kids may be the best thing there is in life. The first time I watched Eleanor on the carousel, we were on Pier 39. She was around 2 years old. Josh stood with her as the horsie bobbed up and down circled past again and again. He pointed to me and she waved awkwardly, trying to spot me. She passed by a couple of times, absently waving. When she finally caught my eye and smiled, I cried like she’d just gotten married. I still can’t define why the moment moved me. But the happiness felt pure. It was like the first time we’d ever seen each other. I get that way with Magnolia as she gets on the bus on Friday mornings, plops into her seat and waves goodbye to me as the bus pulls forward. It’s not that she loves school or I love seeing her leave, but there’s something altogether filled with love in that moment.

Happy Friday to you all.

Happy Go Lucky

22 Saturday Aug 2009

Posted by in family, movies

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Poppy Thanks in part to my Facebook friends, I did not go see The Time Traveler’s Wife. I loved the book. This means, I know, that I should preserve that sentiment and not see the movie. The problem is that I love movies. I mean I LOVE them. So often times that trumps all reason and off I go.  But last night, I resisted. And I’m glad.

Josh and I watched Happy Go Lucky. I was thinking it would be a love story like Amalie, only less stylized and more formulaic. I was wrong. The love story aspect was only one small piece. It had a lot to do with love, though. Loving life. I asked Josh, “What do you think that movie was about?” He goes, “It was about that girl. That scene where Poppy (the main character, in that photo to the left she’s learning the Flamenco) goes to see her big sister.” The sister character is severe, controlling, and pregnant. The sister tells Poppy (she’s 30) that she needs to grow up, get a mortgage, and find someone to have babies with. Poppy laughs and smiles as she does throughout the entire movie and says something to the effect of “I’m happy, I’m lucky, I enjoy my freedom.” And she does. But what I really liked about  this character is that she faces head on the difficulties and harshness of life (caring for and helping one of her students who’s a bully, engaging in a delicate conversation with a homeless crazy man, confronting her violent driving instructor). These things clearly weigh on her, even endanger her, and she still chooses happiness.

I felt the same way about Julia Child in the movie Julie and Julia. My favorite moment in that movie was when Julia Child is reading a letter aloud to her husband. It’s from her sister and she tells Julia that she’s pregnant. Julia begins to cry and it’s clear how much she wishes she could have had babies, yet through her noisy crying she’s saying how happy she is for her sister while her husband comforts her. Again, fighting to choose the happiness in life.

These kinds of characters are so lovable to me and they make me want to be a better person. I relate so much.  Happiness is hard to get a handle on long-term. It’s slippery or something. Josh and I have often have a conversation that goes like this:

Josh: Are you happy in life?

Me: (quickly because I’m happy to being paid attention at that moment) Yeah. Are you?

Josh: (slowly because he’s deep like that) That’s such a hard question.

And then I think, man, our kids are going to be so confused. Well, today, Magnolia was listening to our conversation about the Happy Go Lucky movie. (She’s eight.) And as Josh was talking about how Poppy loved life, Magnolia said, “When I think about death, I love my life.” I was like, um, holy crap I don’t know what to say to that. So I just nodded and said, “That’s good.” I don’t think she’s confused at all. And if you ask anyone that knows us, I bet they’d say she’s the happiest one in the family. They’d be right.