Writing Cover Letters

Trying to get a job kinda feel like this. I actually don’t mind the process so much. Mostly, I like myself and think I’m a good worker. I like people. And talking. But I haven’t done phone interviews in a while, so I forgot about the  canned questions like, what are you good at and what do you need to work on? Sooooooo hard to take seriously sometimes. Don’t you ever want to say, “I’m good at smiling and 80’s movie trivia, but I should probably work on my dog grooming and Yoda impersonation.” I’d totally hire me.

But, I’m an expert cover letter writer. People should pay me for that! When I got my job at the Orthodontist’s office, the ad said they wanted someone with a sense of humor. I was substitute teaching at the time and I remember actually having to tell a freshman boy, “Evan, you need to stop following around everything in a skirt.” I told the orthodontist in my cover letter that I’d like a job where I didn’t have to say things like that. I don’t know how this worked; it was like I just had this intuition about that job. Some of the best friends I’ve ever had, I met at that job. Doc, Catherine, Laura: I’m gonna miss the CRAP out of you guys when I move!

Here’s a cover letter that didn’t work, though. I recently applied for a job as an optician. I started the cover letter, “My glasses are my favorite accessory.” This is completely true. And I love me some accessories. I rarely go without a headscarf and pin. It turns out that an optician actually needs to have experience with eyes. The office wrote me back and said something like, “Your cover letter was interesting, and I’m sure you’ll make a great young adult author, but we won’t be pursuing your candidacy since you have no experience as an optician.”

Huh.

If you’re a writer who has ever sent a cover letter, query, or synopsis to an agent or an editor in hopes that they would tell you that your writing is great, then you know how hilarious this is. All those years I’d been writing to the wrong people. Next time I need (glasses or) a compliment about my writing skills, I’m headed to the Optometrist!

Published by jody sparks

Jody Sparks Mugele spent her first career in marketing writing and leading teams of writers and editors. After her son came out as transgender in 2015, she dedicated herself to advocating for the rights of the LGBTQ+ community. For two years, she led the Indianapolis regional chapter of PFLAG, a nationally renowned LGBTQ+ advocacy group. She has given many conference talks about parenting trans kids, healthcare in the trans community, and suicidality among LGBTQ+ youth. And with GenderNexus, an Indianapolis-based advocacy organization, she created programming and led support groups to work with parents to help their children through all aspects of gender transition. She recently moved to Northeast Georgia where she is excited to develop opportunities to continue to strongly and proudly advocate for LGBTQ+ members of our society. She also LOVES kitschy Christmas crafting!

13 thoughts on “Writing Cover Letters

  1. You know you’ve made it when the optometrist tells you to quit your day job and become an author.

    I love your answer to the first question about 80’s trivia and dog grooming. I would’ve hired you!

    1. I agree with Brodi!!! Exactly what I was thinking! 🙂 And I’ve already told you, I would TOTALLY hire you. (I definitely SEE something in you, even from afar… can you hear our song? I think it’s playing! lol…)

  2. Too bad you can’t get a job writing cover letters and query letters for authors. Your cover letter to the optometrist was so funny and creative. Be yourself in your interviews. I know you’ll get a job.

  3. You could totally sell your cover letter writing skills. Craigslist! People buy breastmilk on there you know…

  4. I would have loved to receive a cover letter from you! At my old job, I once interviewed a guy who was a communications major. In his cover letter, while bragging on his excellent communication skills, he stated that his written communication skills were “inept.” I agreed.

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