It’s been so long since I’ve posted that my dashboard is different and I’m getting payday loan spammers asking me for guest blogs. I’d love to see how they try to relate it to YA authors and books for teenagers, but it’s more fun to tell them they can’t post here. It’s not like this blog will give off much link juice anyway. Anyhoo–

I haven’t posted recently because I really wanted to have good news to share. But I don’t. And I if I don’t post something soon, Google will drop my rankings into nowhere which is worse having a shitty domain authority. Is my tone today a bit dim? Is this blog really even about being an authority? I think my work life has just bled into my other work life. It’s certainly more alive at the moment even if bleeding is involved.

I know most women have this work- home life balance situation that they teeter with. I have a work-work life balance that fucks with me. I’m competitive; I want to be not just good at my job, but GREAT at my job. I’d like to even be the BEST at my job, but I’m not willing to do that because of time I need to cultivate my writing job. Which to me is a job, just one I’m not paid for. Yet. I’d like to be the BEST YA author I can be, but I won’t be because I like getting paid and providing for my family and having security, and being good at other things. On days where my paid job is going well I think maybe I should step away from writing and really be the best at something in that job. On days where I have writing success, I’m pretty sure I could live without going into the office and strategizing how a client can have an authoritative website. On days (like today) where I’m tired of both jobs, I wonder what the heck I’m doing and if being somewhat satisfied in both jobs is the easy way out. Maybe I should I ditch one. Take a risk and find out if I can be the best at one thing. If I did turn out to be the best at one thing, would I actually be more satisfied? I think I’d regret ditching one or the other. I don’t know if I could un-invest myself.

This is a first-world problem. I know. But over the last two years I’ve finally been able to look up from raising my kids and getting through med school/residency with Josh without going broke and finally think about my career. Most women do this in their twenties. Lucky ducks. Then they attach to a man and have kids. So let me just say I’m glad to have this struggle. It’s cool to think about me. My career. It’s just weird and well, hard, to navigate my own ambition.